Weird things Indians do that I just don’t quite get…

      Now, as a disclaimer, I would like to remind everyone that there are many, many things that I truly enjoy in India.  All of the food (save that $9 garlic bread) has been amazing, and EVERY SINGLE person that I have taken the time to actually meet and speak with has been incredibly nice.  And then tried to stuff me with very good food and tea. Mumbai has a beautiful skyline, the people here have all sorts of fun ring tones for their phones (my driver today had Jingle Bells) and people are very generous.  When I tried to use a credit card at a shop, and their credit card machine was broken, they told me to just come back and pay another day.  But let’s face it, those topics don’t make for nearly as interesting reading as the quirky weird stuff.  For the most part, the things on this list are things that, to an American, are considered incredibly rude/weird, but are apparently not rude/weird at all in India.   

So here they are, in no particular order, but numbered none-the-less. 

1.   QUEUING. The people of India have a complete inability to properly and patiently queue.  Maybe this is just due to the fact that there are so many more people here, but it drives me absolutely batty!  For anyone that has ever traveled on an airplane in India, you must be aware of this fact.  In America, after the plane lands, finishes its two miles of taxing on the runway (only in Chicago), and the seat belt sign turns off, you might have one or two people who try to push to the front immediately, usually apologizing for a short connection.  But for the most part, people stand up, and then impatiently the people in row 2 wait for the people in row 1 to clear. Then row 3, and so on. Well, actually, those rows are  typically in first class, and I have no idea how they behave. But in coach, that is roughly how it works out.   In India, (I’ve only been on a half-dozen flights, so who knows how true this actually is), it appears that the average person's goal is to jump up and elbow and push his or her way as close to the front  of the plane as they possibly can.  Even if you have to stick your backside right INTO my face (which has happened twice now), it doesn’t matter.   Push them over, and reach the front. As fast as you possibly can.  Maybe this wouldn't bug me quite so much if it wasn't for #6 on the list....  Ironically, you usually have to get into a bus after alighting the plane, to be driven and then roped off at the baggage claim area…so that pushing doesn’t really do anything useful, as the whole bus has to fill before it goes, anyway.  

      As a side note, I was wondering this weekend if it is this push-to-the-front mentality that causes so many stampedes/trampling deaths in India.  A hundred plus just died at a religious event last week when a stamped started.  Everyone is trying to decide whom to blame.  Now, the closest thing to a huge flock of devout people in line in America is Black Friday.   And yes, sometimes there are stampedes to get that $200 laptop. But, for the most part, people wait in the -10°F weather for 2 to 24 hours rather patiently.  They don’t even have to be herded.  You just show up to Best Buy, and walk around three quarters of the building until you find the end of the line.  Then you pitch your tent and set up your mini grill to heat water for hot chocolate.  There are no velvet ropes surrounding all four sides of Best Buy, herding you in.  People just politely (for the most part) stand in their sleeping bags and wait.

      This contrasts sharply with our weekend visit to a garden (http://updatesfromindia-emily.blogspot.com/2011/01/bangalore-visit.html), which was hosting a horticulture show.   There was a huge, outdoor line to get inside to view the flower display. Think Cedar Point sized-line, but straight rather than zigzagged.  Now, this line was very well contained, for the entire length, between horizontal steel  (or some sturdy metal) fences.  So people managed to stay in line fairly well.  However, the line was so long, that the end poked out of the fences.   And of course, the Grandma we went with, being a Grandma, thinks that she owns the world (as they do in India), and promptly cut in front of all the people right at that point of the line not contained by steel.  And no one says a word, because, as my husband pointed out, she is a Grandma, and thus above the law.   

      Personally, when this happens to me, EVERY SINGLE TIME I’m in line for a bathroom (any adult, not just Grandmas), I shoot them a very dirty look and they back off.  Maybe this is why Americans are considered rude…. But if you don’t shoot that dirty look, they cut right in front of you.   Multiple times during a bathroom visit.  You will never get to go if you just wait patiently for people to stop cutting in front of you.  In fact, they  will catch you unaware, cut in front of you, then you have to rush  when a stall door opens, and cut your way back into your proper line position.  It is apparently the standard way to do this.  Or I just haven't learned the proper way yet.

      Anyhow, Grandma trying to cut wasn't the worst of the line at the horticulture show.  Again, it was encased in metal, so you couldn’t cut in line.  But there was one point where the steel bars were gone, and just a chain-linked fence remained.  At that point, people were POURING in to cut in line. It wasn’t one or two people.  It was a constant stream of people, trying to cheat their way in front of the people who’d already been waiting for some time. We watched that for a bit, but then things got heated, and some yelling and pushing started, so we walked away, to the back (where Grandma decided to try her cutting technique).    

       Anyhow, it is just considered so rude in the States, I doubt that I’ll ever, even a year later, get used to that. It just makes me angry each time I see it.  So I wonder if people get angry with me for giving them dirty looks when they cut in front of me in the bathroom….  I’d expect chagrin… or at least feel it if it were me…

2.  BANDH.  This is the weirdest concept yet.  We were in Bangalore this weekend (http://updatesfromindia-emily.blogspot.com/2011/01/bangalore-visit.html), and a bandh was declared.  This is when a political party decides to act like complete jerks and make an entire town shut down for the day as a form of political protest (well, I'm sure there is much more meaning to it, that just happens to be my interpretation).  So all of the shop owners, restaurants, buses, etc have to close/stop running, b/c otherwise people will throw stones in their shops.  Or burn their buses.  General mischief.  So all the average, non-freaky political people have to stay home from work/school/shopping because they (1) have no transportation or (2) nothing is open or (3) don’t want stones thrown at their vehicles/persons.  That isn’t to say America does any better with their political shootings.  But it is just SO weird to me that this can happen in this day and age.   This particular weekend, they were too slow to ‘officially’ declare a bandh, so a bunch of kids got stuck at school when the bandh was ‘officially’ called.  And many had no way home since the buses, etc weren’t running.   I wasn’t born here, but I just don’t see how this works to change the way the people vote if all it does is annoy the average person.  

3. STARING.   This MIGHT be the creepiest of them all, because it affects a white woman every single time she goes outside.    Especially when she is outside alone.   So in America, it is perfectly fine for a little kid to be curious and stare at someone who is a bit different looking.  But when you are an adult, you need to stop that, and advert your eyes when caught staring.  In India, it doesn’t matter if you are caught.  If there is a white woman around, it is perfectly acceptable to stare right at her and keep staring.  And why (note the heavy sarcasm from here to the end), if you feel the need to look at her some more, then just turn right around in your step and walk next to her, and stare at her for 3 or 4 blocks.  Go for it!  It is apparently perfectly acceptable behavior.  It is also, again, apparently perfectly acceptable behavior to ask a complete stranger, if she is white, to take a photo with her.   Even if you are a full grown, adult male.  I don’t mind the little kids asking.  But I’m sorry; you are just creepy if you are a grown man asking to take a photo with me.  And the guys almost always have a wife, too.  It is sooooo weird.   It isn’t as though they have never seen a white person.  Sure, it isn’t exactly like America, but you always see one or two white people when you go to big places.  So I’m not that rare…. I felt like the poor monkey (see http://updatesfromindia-emily.blogspot.com/2011/01/bangalore-visit.html) that we kept looking at for pictures.   It just wanted to get away and eat the discarded corncob on its own….   Can’t people just politely not stare at me when I’m looking in their general direction?   

 4. TAXI DRIVERS and TAXIS.  The usual here. Some drive like maniacs.  Not all. But the scariest part, to me, are the ones that drive on the Sea Link.  Most of the traffic in Bombay is very slow.  But they can go quite fast on the Sea Link.  60 km/hr or so. Today, on the way to the airport, the driver was going 130 km/hr (80 mph).  The Meru cabs have an automated voice that yells at the driver when they go above 50 km/hr, so that is useful.  At least those drivers slow down. And it is SO scary because the vast majority of the taxis don’t have seat belts.  If they had seat belts, it wouldn’t be much different than the US.  But at 80 mph, it is terrifying not to have a seat belt.  In traffic congestion, it doesn’t bug me as much, because they are driving so slowly.  But when they are fast, it is rather horrifying.   The driver today was also one of those heavy on the breaks-type people that make me want to throw up.   Needless to say, it wasn’t a fun trip. 

5.TIME. Nothing opens until 10 or 11 am.   And I am much more of a morning person than night owl.  I feel like I’m just wasting SO much time each day.   Especially as I have to leave around 2:15 pm each day for teaching.  All of a sudden, rather than 5 hours of time to do stuff, I have 3, and during that time I also have to squeeze in lunch.   Of course, my Uncle in Bangalore is the exception.  He was seeing patients at 7:30 this morning when I was just getting out of bed.... this is clearly something to which I should just adjust.  But it is hard to sleep when the sun is shining...

6. The SMELLS.  Most everyone stinks in close contact.  I haven't had to shop for deodorant  yet, but I think basic showering skills are not quite the same as they are in the US.  Plus, tires and trash are being burned constantly all over the city.  So if it isn't the stench of a non-deodorant  coated armpit it is the stench of burning rubber....  And this is winter! Imagine how smelly it will be in the sweaty summer...
Anyhow, I'd be curious to see an Indian's list of weird things Americans do that they just don't get....